Gender disappointment. It’s a bit of a taboo topic, despite a great deal more media attention in the past few years. And I’m going to admit that I fell victim to it.
When we were pregnant with Aiden, I was most definitely hoping for a girl. When we learned we were having a boy, I had a brief disappointment that I quickly dispelled with an “Oh well, maybe next time.”
I was actually a bit hopeful that we were having a girl this time – we tried to increase our chances and I convinced myself that my crazy pregnancy symptoms increased our “girl odds.” Well, “next time” has come and gone now, and we’re having another boy.
When faced with the news, I had to face what I was feeling: gender disappointment.
Let me make this clear: gender disappointment is not baby disappointment. I am going to love this new little boy ferociously. I will not wish that he is a girl – he will be simply perfect just the way he is.
For me, gender disappointment is about giving up a dream that I’ve admittedly always had. I have assumed, since I was a little girl, that I would have a little girl of my own “one day.” I didn’t even question it. I saved my most precious baby mementos to pass on to her. I saved favourite dolls and books and pink blankets. I dreamed of dressing up my little girl in purples and blues and leggings and sweater dresses. I dreamed of braiding her hair. I always knew that her middle name would be Elizabeth – for my Oma, a middle name I also share.
When faced with the ultrasound, I had to face my own assumptions. I’d prepared myself as best I could, but I was still hit by the reality: I would never have a little girl. That dream was gone; time to put it away. It took me a few days of being sad and doing a bit of self-examination about why a girl was important to me. I learned some things about myself, most definitely. I put away some issues that had bothered me my whole life. I tried to take it as a learning experience.
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It’s been a big month for Aiden. After all the joys of Christmas, we settled back into our routine. Aiden is definitely a boy for routine: he was excited to return to playgroups and all his friends. Two weeks ago, he began attending his first pre-pre-school program, a 2-hour drop-off program at Karen Magnussen; quite to my surprise, he took to it instantly. The first class, I had to return for the circle time, but he successfully transitioned into this last week on his own. I’m very proud of him and we’ve been re-enforcing his enjoyment of the class at every opportunity.
In other milestones, we learned that Aiden is to have a little brother and he had his first successful sit on the potty just tonight! He still has no idea when he’s going pee, but we’ll try to re-enforce his success today and see where it leads.
Here’s a snapshot of Aiden at 27 months:
- Favourite foods include: yogurt drinks, cheddar bunnies, toast with peanut butter, grapes, pizza, broccoli, corn
- Enjoys snow. We finally had a snowfall and spent a lovely morning building snowmen, making snow angels, throwing or shovelling snow or just making footprints. Great fun. Cold hands.
- Loves to count anything. If he drops a number, it’s often the 5. Not as consistent between 10 and 20.
- Can recognize most of the alphabet, though gets easily confused. Better at recognizing a given letter in a small set than being prompted for what a letter is.
- Aiden loves to describe the world around him – everything he sees, hears or tastes. His variety of expressions is expanding to include such descriptions as weird, crazy, silly, and funny
- Aiden loves to pretent to hide something like magic… “Where’s the X? I no know, where is it? Here it is!”
- Has an amazing sense of humour. He will see things and label them as funny (like a car stuck in the snow), emphasizing his point with a fake laugh. Yes, a fake laugh. It’s a big like a hiccup with a forced smile.
- Likes to describe something as “not” something else: “This is Aiden’s milk. Not Mommy’s milk.” or “Not going to Moja. Going to JJ Bean!”
- Wants details on everything. Wants to know the name of every flower, every kind of truck, every piece on any kind of train, and details of the route we’re driving to get somewhere.
- Tries to dictate driving: “Go left!” Thankfully he’s mostly ok with just narrating what I’m doing. I spend a lot of time talking about driver safety and routes. He’s learning quite a lot.
- Is trying to sing songs, though mostly at home when he feels most comfortable or in the car. Current favourites include The Banana Song, Twinke Twinkle, Hurry Hurry Drive the Firetruck, Zoom Zoom, a Hello Everyone song from Gymboree and tidbits of many others.
- Aiden loves to say: There it is, Find it, Want it, Get it, There it goes, There you go, Want somefing to eat, Mommy drive, No go home, Oh Mommy, look!, That’s better Mommy, I see it, Where are we going?, Oh no! What happened?, That’s fun, Nope,
- Phrases of Aiden’s I love: heckacarpet, walkaroni, Aiden yikes it, I no know [I don't know], mananas (bananas), want Mommy cuddles, Thank you Mommy, Daddy works in the Mancouver, i-see-um [museum]
We had our 3D ultrasound on Saturday to get to know our little baby. Just like with Aiden, this little baby didn’t want to share gender at our 20 week ultrasound, so we were excited to find out on Saturday. Aiden is having a little brother!
The best part of the ultrasound was getting to know our new little man. Our previous ultrasound didn’t show us face or profile, so we felt a little disconnected from him. Seeing his face and his personality during the 30-minute session really helped us connect with the baby as an individual. In just 30 minutes, we found out a lot about our little man:
- He lies transverse in my tummy, an unusual position. My uterus must be more like a football than a soccer ball at this point.
- He enjoys having his legs folded, feet at his head. Since there’s so much room (relatively) at this point, it’s obviously a preference
- He will suck on anything. Foot, arm, leg, umbilical cord.
- He spends most of his time trying to get something in his mouth. He would reach for, grab or otherwise manoeuvre himself to get the umbilical cord back in his mouth.
The pregnancy has been very different from that with Aiden, filling out our picture of the baby so far. All this information is definitely helping us get closer to choosing a name!
See all photos from the ultrasound here. For comparison, here are the photos from Aiden’s 3D ultrasound – his features were a little more clear – not continuously sucking on the umbilical cord probably helped. ;)
… And they are not likely to give it to you. At least not my toddler. The more we ‘need’ space, the less Aiden seems willing to play independently. He will cry and tantrum for movies, for books or for playing with one of us. He becomes completely incapable of independent play.
Such common times for this are when we are cooking, when Mommy is working or even during the day if I’m tired and ask for him to play. The more we ‘ask’ for independent play, the less it seems to happen.
As the pregnancy progresses, I find myself in need of more ‘me’ time, being both tired and a little wary of my two-child future. I’m finding I would like a little more ‘freedom’, even if it’s just 5 minutes where I’m not explaining something or reading a book. I spend even less time at home just so that Aiden is encouraged, by being out, to play on his own.
When independent play happens at home, it’s awesome and it can last a long time. But I have learned that it cannot be asked for.
*sigh*
Aiden, who is currently obsessed with seeing his own name in print, is tickled by the new Mabel’s Labels on some of his belongings. We bought a Basic Kit with a variety of tags and stickers to put on items that may go with Aiden to preschool. The labels are fantastic!
We have run the Skinny Mini labels through the dishwasher without any fading or peeling. Can’t wait to get more of these – particularly around Christmas!
