I was hoping, by this time in our current sleep training regime, to be able to say, “this is how we got Aiden back to sleeping 12 hour nights” and explain it all. But we’re not there. Oh, how I wish we were.

I try not to be super negative in my posts, but the reality is that I’m tired. Beyond tired. Aiden hasn’t had a 12 hour sleep since Christmas. That’s a long long time ago.

While it may have started with a cold or with a bout of teething, Aiden regressed. Our sleep trainer calls him “sleep sensitive”, or a child who regresses easily. Though it’s completely normal for babies to wake during the night, a “good sleeper” will just roll over and go back to sleep. When anything bothers Aiden, he calls out for mama, and only for mama. Not only that, but he wouldn’t be consoled by me with anything but nursing. So, what may start as one nursing session to calm him at night slowly builds up to an every 2 hour habit. It’s a cycle we’ve been through before.

This time around, we’re trying to sleep train Aiden with a more gentle method, one that will (maybe) allow us a way to soothe him when he’s upset. Or at least to try. Given how badly his separation anxiety has been, and how much worse it becomes when he cries in his room, it was really our only option. Now that he has a grasp of language, I’m able to explain to him what’s happening and that I will sit by his crib until he falls asleep. He understands, even if he doesn’t like it.

The training is working, though I’m far from perfect. Some of the wakings can drag on for as much as 3 hours, with me going in and out of his room if he tries to engage. Sometimes I give in and nurse, though that’s hours into the process. Hopefully he’ll learn that it’s not worth it to wake. Right now he is down to one major long wake per night and a few smaller wakes – these ones are generally easy to fix now with a hug and a kiss and me walking out again. I will go into more detail of how it all works when it’s all behind us.

But at 2am when I’m sitting on the floor of Aiden’s room, I’m a mess. I’m exhausted. It drags into my days, with me not even wanting to be around Aiden by the time Ianiv gets home from work. I’m just TOO TIRED. It upsets me that I can’t enjoy all the moments I spend with Aiden.

It’s a phase. I know it will pass. But it SUCKS.