Gender disappointment. It’s a bit of a taboo topic, despite a great deal more media attention in the past few years. And I’m going to admit that I fell victim to it.
When we were pregnant with Aiden, I was most definitely hoping for a girl. When we learned we were having a boy, I had a brief disappointment that I quickly dispelled with an “Oh well, maybe next time.”
I was actually a bit hopeful that we were having a girl this time – we tried to increase our chances and I convinced myself that my crazy pregnancy symptoms increased our “girl odds.” Well, “next time” has come and gone now, and we’re having another boy.
When faced with the news, I had to face what I was feeling: gender disappointment.
Let me make this clear: gender disappointment is not baby disappointment. I am going to love this new little boy ferociously. I will not wish that he is a girl – he will be simply perfect just the way he is.
For me, gender disappointment is about giving up a dream that I’ve admittedly always had. I have assumed, since I was a little girl, that I would have a little girl of my own “one day.” I didn’t even question it. I saved my most precious baby mementos to pass on to her. I saved favourite dolls and books and pink blankets. I dreamed of dressing up my little girl in purples and blues and leggings and sweater dresses. I dreamed of braiding her hair. I always knew that her middle name would be Elizabeth – for my Oma, a middle name I also share.
When faced with the ultrasound, I had to face my own assumptions. I’d prepared myself as best I could, but I was still hit by the reality: I would never have a little girl. That dream was gone; time to put it away. It took me a few days of being sad and doing a bit of self-examination about why a girl was important to me. I learned some things about myself, most definitely. I put away some issues that had bothered me my whole life. I tried to take it as a learning experience.
… And they are not likely to give it to you. At least not my toddler. The more we ‘need’ space, the less Aiden seems willing to play independently. He will cry and tantrum for movies, for books or for playing with one of us. He becomes completely incapable of independent play.
Such common times for this are when we are cooking, when Mommy is working or even during the day if I’m tired and ask for him to play. The more we ‘ask’ for independent play, the less it seems to happen.
As the pregnancy progresses, I find myself in need of more ‘me’ time, being both tired and a little wary of my two-child future. I’m finding I would like a little more ‘freedom’, even if it’s just 5 minutes where I’m not explaining something or reading a book. I spend even less time at home just so that Aiden is encouraged, by being out, to play on his own.
When independent play happens at home, it’s awesome and it can last a long time. But I have learned that it cannot be asked for.
Christmas with Aiden this year was one of the most fun Christmases I can ever remember. I was seriously unsure whether we would have much of a Christmas given that Christmas Eve was a horrendous mess with Aiden in bed 2 hours early. Although his croupy cough resolved quickly, I have never seen my good-natured little man so unhappy – not even as a colicky infant. It was hard to deal with and hard to watch. We spent most of our time watching tv, but he didn’t really even want that – he didn’t want anything. Poor Aiden.
Thankfully, after 4 hours of restless sleep, he settled into a long restful sleep and woke up chipper and happy for Christmas. He was a true gem all day, loving all the attention and presents. I think he would have been happy to stop after a present or two and just play, but we pushed on through.
We started our Christmas morning at home, with Oma coming over right away. We started into the presents at a leisurely pace, but then had to rush through more than half the tree in order to make it to my Uncle’s for brunch. I think next year we’ll cart off some presents to continue over there rather than rushing.
Our day was filled with family and joy. There’s nothing quite like watching your toddler explore Christmas in all its various traditions. Presents aside, it made me giddy to see him connecting with others in our family and sharing his immense joy in life with them. Toddlers are just bundles of excitement and it’s hard not to be infected by all the fun.
Aiden sort of understood Santa, in that he would bring presents, but I don’t think he really *mattered* this year. Still, we had many weeks of obsessive reading about Santa, particularly with The Polar Express. We read the book, watched the movie (except the middle – Aiden required that to be fast forwarded) and listened to the audio book in the car. Over and over and over.
How was your Christmas? I hope it was filled with infectious joy!
In this video, Aiden is pretending to drive a car… but that car is Daddy. One day, while Ianiv was leaning over, Aiden told him he was a car and proceeded to ‘drive’ him around. He say inside the hollow created by Daddy’s arms and scooted along making car noises. Kids and imagination – so amazing!
One of my fondest memories of Christmas was the time I would spend doing crafts. Even as a teenager, I would set out a table for December to make ornaments, cards and more. When I was older, I would make my own Christmas cards and wrapping paper. Of course, that was pre-baby. Now, I’m trying to pass on my love of crafts to Aiden.
Although he doesn’t have a huge amount of patience for crafts, if I keep things simple, to no more than 30 minutes (or 5 if it’s just colouring), he will happily try new things. He prefers crafts that involve glue or scissors, but sometimes just playing to his interests is enough to make him interested.
Aiden really loves Frosty the Snowman, for example, and that was the one colouring sheet he really got into working on. I printed off a bunch I found online, but this one was his best. Without being told to, he tried to colour within the lines and chose different colours for different areas of the snowman. The glitter on the scarf was also his idea.
So neat to see his creativity expand!
Although he’s been a little young for some of our other crafts, we have also made some reindeer faces, a gingerbread house, some ornaments (paper or wood to colour) and a foam snowman using stickers. One more age-appropriate craft we did was to ‘decorate’ a Christmas tree using Christmas-themed stickers. Lots of fun!
