Gender disappointment. It’s a bit of a taboo topic, despite a great deal more media attention in the past few years. And I’m going to admit that I fell victim to it.
When we were pregnant with Aiden, I was most definitely hoping for a girl. When we learned we were having a boy, I had a brief disappointment that I quickly dispelled with an “Oh well, maybe next time.”
I was actually a bit hopeful that we were having a girl this time – we tried to increase our chances and I convinced myself that my crazy pregnancy symptoms increased our “girl odds.” Well, “next time” has come and gone now, and we’re having another boy.
When faced with the news, I had to face what I was feeling: gender disappointment.
Let me make this clear: gender disappointment is not baby disappointment. I am going to love this new little boy ferociously. I will not wish that he is a girl – he will be simply perfect just the way he is.
For me, gender disappointment is about giving up a dream that I’ve admittedly always had. I have assumed, since I was a little girl, that I would have a little girl of my own “one day.” I didn’t even question it. I saved my most precious baby mementos to pass on to her. I saved favourite dolls and books and pink blankets. I dreamed of dressing up my little girl in purples and blues and leggings and sweater dresses. I dreamed of braiding her hair. I always knew that her middle name would be Elizabeth – for my Oma, a middle name I also share.
When faced with the ultrasound, I had to face my own assumptions. I’d prepared myself as best I could, but I was still hit by the reality: I would never have a little girl. That dream was gone; time to put it away. It took me a few days of being sad and doing a bit of self-examination about why a girl was important to me. I learned some things about myself, most definitely. I put away some issues that had bothered me my whole life. I tried to take it as a learning experience.
Continue reading →
I put my back out on Saturday night, the second time this pregnancy. The first time my uterus shifted and the baby temporarily sat on a nerve. On Saturday, after organizing our livingroom for the Christmas tree, I unthinkingly bent over ‘one last time’ and didn’t bend my knees. Immediate spasm. Really bad.
I’ve strained my low back before, but never as bad as this. The last time that came close was in high school, and before that my original low back injury at age 11 when I took a bad fall.
I was hoping that I’d feel better after sleeping. No such luck. Somehow I managed to sleep through the night in obscure positions, struggling every few hours to get up and pee (thanks pregnancy). By morning, I was spasming constantly. The mornings have been the worst, after the strain of sleeping on my side or back all night.
That morning, in tears, I decided I needed help. I wasn’t going to make it through the weekend without some pain management. We spent 3 hours in the hospital, me pacing most of that time to avoid sitting, before I was given narcotics. A hard choice to make when pregnant. The dose was small, but it was enough to take the edge off.
I had to take the narcotic twice on Sunday and once on Monday morning and Tuesday morning again, recovering still from all the massage and chiropractic treatments I had on Monday. It was hard not to be able to pick up or sit with my son. To not be able to even put on my own socks.
Today I was able to drive and mostly take care of Aiden, though Ianiv worked at home to help me get Aiden in and out of the car and his crib. I managed my pain with Tylenol and ice only. Hopefully another week and I will feel better.
Aiden didn’t love not being able to play with me or be carried, but he’s had lots of love. And books. Here is how he spent most of his time with grandmas, who had to ditch work to help me:
I turned 30 earlier this month – December 2nd, in fact. I was dreading it, as a ‘figure’ often associated with getting older. But really, who cares? I am in the best part of my life – married, with a wonderful toddler and a baby on the way, and living in a great city with great friends. I have nothing to complain about, except maybe a little more pain than I’d like.
Thankfully, I don’t grow morose over things like birthdays. I LOVE birthdays. Mine or anyone else’s. I love any excuse to get together with family and friends to celebrate.
On my actual birthday, I went to dinner with Ianiv, Aiden and my mom. It was a nice dinner and Aiden is currently a gem of a toddler, all smiles and laughter.
On Saturday, I spend the day spoiling myself at the salon and getting my make-up done. Donning a new outfit, I was whisked off to a surprise location for a birthday with 16 friends – so wonderful. I wish I’d had more time to sit and chat with everyone. And drink some wine; I did miss that!
Thanks for the photo Raul
That’s right, we are having another baby! Ianiv & I are excited to share that Aiden will become a big brother in a few months! May 14th is our due date for “Baby #2″, putting me at 12 weeks pregnant now. We’ve had our first ultrasound already and baby is doing just great!
I’ve been able to feel the baby moving since about 10.5 weeks, which is just crazy. The lime-sized baby in there is sure making itself known! I know, second pregnancies are different, but it’s still a surprise to feel baby moving! We plan to find out the gender of the baby, as we did with Aiden.
We are both excited and nervous to be expanding our family. I have had a lot more sickness and fatigue with this baby than with Aiden (pretty much not existent with him), so hopefully that explains why I seem to have been offline so much of the time the last… well, 3 months! :)
Healthy Families BC approached me about helping to raise awareness on how to incorporate healthy eating and fitness into a busy family lifestyle. They offer resources and one-stop wellness information for how to be active, eat well and more. The new community, based on their website, Facebook and Twitter, wants to help you make positive changes in your life.
To help kick-start an improvement to your own lifestyle, they are offering a $250 Gift Card to Lululemon to one ActiveMama reader who shares what it means to be an Active Mama. Read on for more details…
My Fitness Story
For many years, I suffered from chronic pain and my fitness level went way down. I couldn’t walk or lift weight or do much of anything. Once I found a way to fix my physical pain, we decided to start our family. I wasn’t at my best fitness level going into motherhood, and my pregnancy wasn’t pain free either. After I had Aiden, I walked a lot (mostly to get him to sleep!), but after a few months, he refused both stroller and carrier and my fitness level went down.
I’ve learned that not every child is easygoing, that being a parent is tiring, and that sometimes you have to go out of your way to get fitness back into your schedule. Recent car accident aside (it set me back), I’ve done a lot to met my goal of becoming a Fit & Active Mama!
Ideas to be an Active Mama:
- Go to baby bootcamp classes with your pre-mobile baby (Rec centres offer many options)
- Take advantage of drop-in childcare at fitness centres so you can work out
- Go to a gym in the evening or on days when you have pre-arranged childcare
- Keep trying the stroller! Aiden eventually came to love it as a toddler
- Do yoga or basic strength training (squats, lunges, etc) while your child plays. It’s pretty non-invasive and still allows you to pay attention to them
- Set aside some money, if you can, for a personal trainer. They can help you learn how to correctly do many exercises and can put together a home fitness plan that requires little to no equipment
- Set aside 20 minutes of precious nap time to run through your fitness plan. Then you can relax (because you deserve to relax too!)
- Exercise as a family – take walks or hikes, or set up your toddler in a bike seat or chariot for bike rides
Prize
A $250 gift card to lululemon athletica to help you be fit and feel good about yourself.
How to Enter
Head on over to Facebook to ‘Like’ the Healthy Families BC page, then return here and share your recommendation on how to be a fit & active mama! How do YOU make healthy eating or fitness a priority as a mom?
Limit one comment per person. Contest open to residents of BC only. Contest will close on September 30, 2011 at 2pm PST. Winner will be chosen at random.
