Gender disappointment. It’s a bit of a taboo topic, despite a great deal more media attention in the past few years. And I’m going to admit that I fell victim to it.
When we were pregnant with Aiden, I was most definitely hoping for a girl. When we learned we were having a boy, I had a brief disappointment that I quickly dispelled with an “Oh well, maybe next time.”
I was actually a bit hopeful that we were having a girl this time – we tried to increase our chances and I convinced myself that my crazy pregnancy symptoms increased our “girl odds.” Well, “next time” has come and gone now, and we’re having another boy.
When faced with the news, I had to face what I was feeling: gender disappointment.
Let me make this clear: gender disappointment is not baby disappointment. I am going to love this new little boy ferociously. I will not wish that he is a girl – he will be simply perfect just the way he is.
For me, gender disappointment is about giving up a dream that I’ve admittedly always had. I have assumed, since I was a little girl, that I would have a little girl of my own “one day.” I didn’t even question it. I saved my most precious baby mementos to pass on to her. I saved favourite dolls and books and pink blankets. I dreamed of dressing up my little girl in purples and blues and leggings and sweater dresses. I dreamed of braiding her hair. I always knew that her middle name would be Elizabeth – for my Oma, a middle name I also share.
When faced with the ultrasound, I had to face my own assumptions. I’d prepared myself as best I could, but I was still hit by the reality: I would never have a little girl. That dream was gone; time to put it away. It took me a few days of being sad and doing a bit of self-examination about why a girl was important to me. I learned some things about myself, most definitely. I put away some issues that had bothered me my whole life. I tried to take it as a learning experience.
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We had our 3D ultrasound on Saturday to get to know our little baby. Just like with Aiden, this little baby didn’t want to share gender at our 20 week ultrasound, so we were excited to find out on Saturday. Aiden is having a little brother!
The best part of the ultrasound was getting to know our new little man. Our previous ultrasound didn’t show us face or profile, so we felt a little disconnected from him. Seeing his face and his personality during the 30-minute session really helped us connect with the baby as an individual. In just 30 minutes, we found out a lot about our little man:
- He lies transverse in my tummy, an unusual position. My uterus must be more like a football than a soccer ball at this point.
- He enjoys having his legs folded, feet at his head. Since there’s so much room (relatively) at this point, it’s obviously a preference
- He will suck on anything. Foot, arm, leg, umbilical cord.
- He spends most of his time trying to get something in his mouth. He would reach for, grab or otherwise manoeuvre himself to get the umbilical cord back in his mouth.
The pregnancy has been very different from that with Aiden, filling out our picture of the baby so far. All this information is definitely helping us get closer to choosing a name!
See all photos from the ultrasound here. For comparison, here are the photos from Aiden’s 3D ultrasound – his features were a little more clear – not continuously sucking on the umbilical cord probably helped. ;)
Today was an intense day of Doctor visits for us. It all started this morning with our first trip to the Emergency Room at BC Children’s Hospital in Vancouver.
Yesterday, Aiden fell and developed a limp after. I didn’t see the fall, but usually falls are just a normal part of his day. In this case, he did immediately complain about one of his toes hurting, though nothing was touch sensitive. The limp didn’t go away by the end of the day, or by this morning. He couldn’t comfortably wear some of his shoes.
So, off to the hospital we went. I opted for the hospital over the clinic just in case we needed X-Rays, and heard Children’s was better diagnostically speaking. Thankfully it was not busy and we were able to see the doctor right away. Aiden watched tv for about 5 minutes before his first examination – lots of bending and prodding and whatnot. It was a bit difficult to get him to walk around willingly, but he seemed to get into it once I put a video on the iPhone for him to hold.
After two doctors, no skeletal injuries could be found. The best guess was a ligament or muscle injury that should heal on its own. If not, we’re back to the hospital this weekend. For now, we’re just using Advil. At least Mommy has some peace of mind watching her little baby walk around with a limp (ugh, the heartstrings!).
As if a morning of doctors wasn’t enough, it was my turn this afternoon to see the midwife for my 16 week appointment. Everything was quick and Aiden was very happy to hear the baby’s heartbeat. He still wants to “see” the baby, but he’ll have to wait for the ultrasound for that!
We all have heard about the famous baby smell. I can concur that it’s true – and it’s amazing. Though I hear fully formula-fed babies can smell a little differently, I know for sure that Aiden has a scent all his own. It’s not connected with baby soap – since we only use that every week or two – or shampoo – that’s every month or two. It’s just… Aiden.
From what I could research, a baby’s scent may operate as a pheromone. For sure, my reaction to how Aiden smells is different to that of other babies – they all smell different from each other.
Though the scent has faded as he’s grown up, it’s still there. I notice it most on the top of his head and mostly when he’s breastfeeding. When I’m nursing, my body releases oxytocin and, aside from making me feel emotionally connected to Aiden, it seems to increase my sense of smell. My nose becomes flooded with his baby smell – it’s quite a heady rush.
Do you still savour the baby smell? When does it go away?
A newborn considers you his first toy, so just looking at and smiling at your baby is great. Aiden liked to sit on my lap against his breastfeeding pillow and have his legs played with or be bounced up and down. He never liked tummy time, but I would attempt it on my lap or by simply holding him upright – no need to do it on the floor right away! Lights are also a big hit, so carrying your baby around to look at different light sources is fun.
Having a baby that was very impatient and difficult to please, we tended to have lots of toys. That said, there were some that were bigger hits than others. These are toys that we still use, even past 7 months, but they were also the most fun and age-appropriate for him from newborn on.
- Links – these are inexpensive and easy to find. Most toy stores and department stores will have them. Baby will enjoy looking at them, attempting to grab them, then later chewing on them and banging them. You can use them to attach toys to playmats, to each other, to strollers, etc.
- Blocks – these are marketed to 2+ years, but they are appropriate from the get-go. They are colorful, easy to grab onto, and fun for the mouth
- Mirror – whether you use a toy mirror, a small mirror with a stand, or your full-sized mirrors, you’ll find baby enjoys looking at himself
- Dangled toys - it doesn’t matter what you dangle, but baby will enjoy looking at toys above him and will start to bat at them. You can use a bouncy chair (Aiden hated his), a playmat, or just your own arm to dangle stuffed toys, links or even stuff around the house
- Rattle - though he couldn’t use it, the rattle was an important distractor when Aiden would become fussy, particularly during tummy time
Some other top contenders include a stuffed toy or even a washcloth to chew on, a Sophie giraffe (your baby will like it or not care), a musical mobile and a musical toy of some sort.
